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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398510">the lights, the dirt, the shit that hurts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentlelogic/pseuds/gentlelogic'>gentlelogic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>fem!sides verse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Brief sensual scene, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, F/F, Fem!Patton - Freeform, Fem!Roman, Femslash, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, Lesbophobia, Logic | Logan Sanders Is A Good Friend, Mutual Pining, Pining, Wish Fulfillment, fem!Virgil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:41:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398510</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gentlelogic/pseuds/gentlelogic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Hey, Virg?” Roman asked quietly from beside her.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“Yeah?”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“You ever kissed a girl before?”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>Virgil swallowed, then turned around so she was facing Roman. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”</i>
</p>
<p>or.</p>
<p>Virgil, by some weird twist of fate and miracle, is dating Romana Sanders. She’s popular, she’s beautiful, and she makes Virgil feel giddier than what should be allowed. But there’s something dark lurking in the shadows. Virgil thinks that dark something might be why Roman is so desperate to keep their relationship a secret.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>fem!sides verse [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the lights, the dirt, the shit that hurts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Homophobia, lesbophobia, usage of homophobic slurs in a negative way, implications of physical/mental child abuse, a brief sensual scene, and blatant unapologetic wish fulfillment.</p>
<p>Notes: So. This is a fem!sides fic and I know I’m treading into dangerous territory, therefore, I feel the need to explain some things:</p>
<p>I miss writing for girls! I miss female characters. So I just... made Virgil, Roman, and Patton girls. Because I can and this is the beautiful world of fanfiction. I didn’t change their names (except making Roman “Romana”), because... I can? I guess?</p>
<p>I also know the plot is super unrealistic. If you’re looking for realism, find a good documentary, and let me live within my escapism fantasy. ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time Virgil met Roman was at the school’s annual bake sale for the theatre program. It was a swelteringly hot day for it to be held outside, but the school refused to take it inside. So, Virgil was making her way across the many rows and rows of booths with people and melting desserts behind them.</p>
<p>Roman was sitting at her booth, right next to her best friend Patton. A huge spread of cupcakes laid out in front of them in every design and colour imaginable. Apparently, Patton and Roman had been prepared for the heat, because they had a large metal bowl of ice underneath their spread. Despite that, the icing was melting a small bit, smearing some of the words and designs. The two girls were giggling amongst one another, but quickly drew apart when Virgil approached. Roman sat up and smoothed her hand over her red button-up blouse, then shot Virgil a wide grin.</p>
<p>“Wanna buy a cupcake?”</p>
<p>“You’re in poetry class with Logan Foster, right? You’re Romana,” Virgil said, quite stupidly, if she did say so herself.</p>
<p>Roman rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her curls, damp with sweat. “Fricking Logan, that douche. So formal. I go by Roman. Or Ro. Or babe, if you want.”</p>
<p>Virgil scowled. “No thanks.”</p>
<p>Roman smiled brightly, clearly unabashed. “And this is my best friend, Patton. So. You want a cupcake?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Virgil dug in her pockets and peeled off three dollars and handed it over to Patton, then reached over and grabbed one of the little Star Wars cupcakes. “Why do you go by Roman? Isn’t that a boy’s name?”</p>
<p>Roman pursed her lips. “Isn’t Virgil the name of… I don’t know, a long dead poet, who also happened to be a man?”</p>
<p>Virgil shrugged. “I guess that’s fair. But I usually go by Virg.”</p>
<p>“So, how do you know Logan, kiddo?” Patton piped up. Her smile was so big and wide, Virgil was genuinely surprised she wasn’t glowing.</p>
<p>“Logan’s been my best friend since second grade,” Virgil said. “We’ve known each other a long time.”</p>
<p>“Aw, that’s sweet,” Patton said.</p>
<p>“I hate him,” Virgil deadpanned.</p>
<p>Roman snorted. “He can be a real ass. He thinks he’s hot shit. But he’s nice about my poetry. A lot of the other douchebags in the class take the piss out of me.”</p>
<p>“He’s talked about your work before- apparently you’ve got a real talent.”</p>
<p>Roman’s eyes lit up. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>Virgil blushed then shrugged. “It’s whatever you know.” She sent a two-finger salute in the two girls’ direction. “See you around-”</p>
<p>“Wait!” Roman cried. Virgil paused and frowned. Roman held out a piece of paper and a pencil. “You should give us your number.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because Pat and I wanna have a little slumber party sometime soon-”</p>
<p>“We <em>do</em>?”</p>
<p>“-and you should come!”</p>
<p>“Oh ah… sure.” Virgil took the pencil, to Roman’s obvious delight, and scrawled down her number, then handed it back. “Aren’t slumber parties, like… for kids though?”</p>
<p>Roman grinned. “Not the kind I throw, dark and gloomy. You’re gonna love it. I’ll text you the deets.”</p>
<p>“The… deets?”</p>
<p>Roman winked. “Have a good day.”</p>
<p>“You… you too.”</p>
<p>As Virgil walked away, she swore she could hear Patton whisper, “You like her, don’t you?” teasingly, to which Roman replied, “She’s really cute, Pat, shut up.”</p>
<p>Virgil pulled the sleeve of her hoodie up to her mouth to try and hide her grin.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Should I wear a dress?”</p>
<p>“No,” Logan said, sprawled across Virgil’s bed and flipping through one of the various notebooks strewn across the comforter. “I haven’t seen you wear a dress since your grandmother’s funeral.”</p>
<p>“Good point,” Virgil grumbled, tossing aside the black dress from her closet to clothes basket. “Maybe a skirt then?”</p>
<p>“Virgil. I am not going to dictate how you dress.”</p>
<p>Virgil rolled her eyes. “You’re no help, L. I invited you here to help.”</p>
<p>Logan sat up. “Who’re you trying to impress? It isn’t like you to care this much about how you are perceived. No offense.”</p>
<p>“It’s Romana Sanders and Patton Hart. I’m just trying to make a good impression. Make some friends other than <em>you</em> for my senior year. <em>No offense.</em>”</p>
<p>Logan sighed. “Just wear what you normally wear.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know why I’m taking fashion advice from the loser who wears jeans, a polo, and a necktie every day.”</p>
<p>“All right then. I will abstain from assisting you at all,” Logan said and flopped backwards against the bed.</p>
<p>“Rude.” Virgil opened her dresser drawer and pulled out her black leggings. “Maybe these and my purple and black hoodie? With a purple tube top underneath? What do you think? Or are leggings a no go?”</p>
<p>“Virgil. I am begging you to stop asking me advice on something I cannot assist with.”</p>
<p>“Asshole.”</p>
<p>Logan snorted. “Virgil, really. There is no need to worry yourself over it this much.”</p>
<p>Virgil swung around and raised her eyebrows. “There are a million things to worry about. What if Roman only invited me as a joke to make a fool out of me? What if Patton gets jealous and thinks I am trying to steal her best friend? What if there’s alcohol? What if I make a fool of myself? What if-”</p>
<p>“Hey. V. Have a seat.” Logan gently guided her by the shoulders onto her bed. She took a deep breath as Logan exaggeratedly took a deep breath in. “I highly doubt you were invited as a joke. If you were, you may text me and I will pick you up. It is unlikely Patton would harbor those sorts of feelings towards anybody, as she is one of the kindest girls in the school. If there is alcohol, you need not consume any if you are uncomfortable. You will not make a fool of yourself, because you are a wonderful person and Romana would be foolish not to see it.”</p>
<p>Virgil smiled and shoved Logan’s shoulder. “You’re too nice, L.”</p>
<p>“I am not.”</p>
<p>Virgil rolled her eyes and stood up. “So. Is the tube top too much or nah?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>She did, in fact, end up wearing the tube top, paired with her black skinny jeans and oversized purple and black hoodie. Logan finally decided to be a little bit helpful and helped her pick out a purple eyeliner and brown lipstick.</p>
<p>Virgil knocked on Patton’s door, holding her duffle bag in one hand and nervously adjusting her hoodie with the other.</p>
<p>“Virg!” Patton said excitedly, opening the door wide. “I’m so glad you came. Ro and I are so excited. We’ve got a bunch of Disney movies and I baked brownies and I made lemonade, but if you don’t like lemonade, I’ve got other stuff in the fridge. Just make yourself at home, kiddo and- oh my God, your outfit is so <em>pretty</em>!”</p>
<p>Virgil blushed. “You’re very sweet, Patton.”</p>
<p>Patton threw her arms around Virgil excitedly, then drew back. “Sorry! Got excited. I just haven’t had anyone but Ro over in a while and it’s just exciting.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m excited too.”</p>
<p>Patton smiled, but couldn’t get another word in before Roman came running into the room and grabbed Virgil around by the waist and spun her around twice before putting her back down.</p>
<p>“Hot Topic! You came!”</p>
<p>“Hot… Topic?”</p>
<p>“The outfit is killing it. We should get a picture. I’ll put on one of Patton’s cute outfits. We can be like a prince and a princess. Or two princesses. Whatever.”</p>
<p>Virgil rolled her eyes. “I don’t like getting my picture taken.”</p>
<p>Roman pouted. “Why not? You’re gorgeous.”</p>
<p>Virgil shrugged. “Just… not my thing, I guess.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s fine,” Patton said. “We’re not gonna do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Roman said, shooting Virgil another smile. “I figured we’d start off the night by watching some Disney movies. You partial to any?”</p>
<p>“Black Cauldron.”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>“Hey! It’s a good movie.”</p>
<p>The three made their way upstairs and all crowded together on Patton’s bed across from the television. Patton’s room was exactly how Virgil would have pictured it- bright. The dresser was painted a light blue and polaroids hung all around it; of Patton, her parents, two different dogs, and Roman.</p>
<p>The night passed by in a blur; they watched Disney movies until their backs hurt and Patton’s parents got back from the store. They were both super kind and asked Virgil if they could get her anything about ten times each. Then, the three gorged on brownies and played board games until Patton passed out and Roman threw a blanket over her.</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t we get her into the bed?” Virgil asked.</p>
<p>“Nah. She told me that we could have the bed tonight.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure she’s okay with it?”</p>
<p>Roman looked up from taking off Patton’s glasses and Virgil felt her heart skip. Roman’s hair was messy, tumbling into her face and her lipstick was worn away in little patches. All the same, Virgil felt a strange urge to do… something. Cup her face. Hold her hand. Maybe kiss the lipstick the rest of the way off…</p>
<p>“Earth to Virgil.”</p>
<p>Virgil startled. “Sorry,” she said. “Just uhm… Patton’s fine?”</p>
<p>Roman smiled. “Pat’s fine.” Then, to Virgil’s horror, Roman grabbed the bottom of her shirt and yanked it off; in one swift motion, Virgil was staring directly at Roman’s lacy red and black bra.</p>
<p>“I-” Virgil felt like she’d been punched. “I’m gonna turn away.”</p>
<p>Roman laughed. “Okay.” Then, quieter, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to stare at your boobs!”</p>
<p>Roman laughed harder. “Okay, okay!” Virgil heard the sounds of her changing and shuffling around and then, “You’re safe now. Boobs are put away.”</p>
<p>Virgil turned back around, feeling as if her face was on fire. “They looked fine, by the way; I wasn’t trying to insult you- I just- Uh. I wanted to be respectful.”</p>
<p>“Don’t sweat it,” Roman said, tossing her hair over her shoulder and flouncing down in the bed. Virgil stood, still shell shocked. “You gonna sleep in your jeans?”</p>
<p>Virgil shook herself. “No. Of… Of course not. I’m gonna. Change.”</p>
<p>“I’ll close my eyes.”</p>
<p>Virgil’s heart raced. “Okay.” She made quick work of sliding out of her outfit and into her Nightmare Before Christmas pyjamas. Then, hesitantly, she slid in the best next to Roman and settled under the covers.</p>
<p>“Night, Virgil.”</p>
<p>“Night Roman.</p>
<p>The two were silent for a long moment. Then Roman was turning over and-</p>
<p>“Hey, Virg?” Roman asked quietly from beside her. If Virgil concentrated hard enough, she could feel Roman’s breath on her neck.</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“You ever kissed a girl before?”</p>
<p>Virgil swallowed, then turned around so she was facing Roman. She took a shaky breath. “I’ve never kissed anyone before.”</p>
<p>“Do you want some practice?” Roman asked, sounding far more hesitant and reverent than Virgil had heard her sound before.</p>
<p>Virgil nodded and Roman scooted in closer, her nose right against Virgil’s. Roman smiled. “Hey.”</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>Then, Roman’s hand reached out and cupped the back of Virgil’s head and she pulled them in. Their lips connected and Virgil felt her heart flutter, electricity spreading throughout her body. Roman deepened the kiss, rolling over on top of her. Virgil smiled, reaching up to cup Roman’s face. Roman leaned down, kissing her again.</p>
<p>“You’re so hot, Virg. You know that?”</p>
<p>Virgil gasped as Roman bit down on her neck, tracing kisses down her collarbone to her breasts. “You are too- ah- hey-” Very carefully, as gently as possible, Virgil pushed Roman away a little. “Uhm. Can we. Uh. Keep it up here?” Virgil tapped her lips. “For now?”</p>
<p>Roman nodded earnestly, her brown curls bouncing. “Of course. I’m… I got too uh… you know.”</p>
<p>“Hey. It’s okay, I’m just… new at this.”</p>
<p>Roman smirked. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Can I kiss you again?”</p>
<p>Virgil smiled. “Yeah.” Roman did, pinning Virgil’s wrists down this time as they pressed their lips together. Virgil felt so much heat building through her body, so much joy and giddiness and excitement that it was overwhelming.</p>
<p>Roman flopped back down, tossing an arm over Virgil’s waist.</p>
<p>“I didn’t know you liked girls,” Virgil said.</p>
<p>Roman giggled. “I thought you were straight.”</p>
<p>“I guess I never really thought I wasn’t. I thought, you know… someday, eventually, I’d get those feelings for guys.”</p>
<p>“I thought maybe… you and Logan… you know.”</p>
<p>Virgil burst into a fit of laughter. “Logan is gay. Super super gay, Roman.”</p>
<p>“Hey! I thought maybe he was bisexual; give me a break.”</p>
<p>Virgil giggled again, punching Roman softly in the arm. They were quiet once again until Roman broke it. “Hey, you won’t tell anyone about this… will ya?”</p>
<p>Virgil frowned but nodded. “Yeah, of course.”</p>
<p>“It’s just… I’m not out, ya know? And it’s… it’s complicated.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I won’t tell anybody.”</p>
<p>Roman nuzzled herself in the crook of Virgil’s neck and pressed a kiss there. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Roman and Virgil grew closer over the duration of the following month; Virgil found herself over at Patton’s house with Roman at least one a week. They went walking in the park together. They went to the movies. They cooked dinner together at Virgil’s house, much to Virgil’s dad’s amusement when they burned the spaghetti.</p>
<p>Virgil felt like she was floating on cloud 9. Nothing could break her bliss. Even Logan noticed a change, telling her, “You seem happier. I’m glad you’re making more friends.” Little did <em>he know</em>. And it felt kind of hot and thrilling to be keeping it a secret. It was like Roman and Virgil had their own little thing nobody else got to know about except for them.</p>
<p>It did kind of hurt when Roman barely met Virgil’s eyes in the hallway. But that was okay, because she made up for it tenfold when they got together after school.</p>
<p>One night, she was laying, stomach down, on her bed with Roman next to her. They were quietly studying, legs tangled together, when Roman’s phone chimed from across the bed.</p>
<p>“Can you get that for me?” Roman asked, a lazy smile on her face.</p>
<p>Virgil rolled her eyes. “Lazy ass.”</p>
<p>“C’mon. Gimme.”</p>
<p>Virgil huffed, but obliged, tossing the phone over to Roman. She gazed at Roman curiously while she unlocked the phone, eyes immediately going wide and face dropping. Roman stood up, grabbing her jacket and gathering her books with shaking hands.</p>
<p>“Hey! What’s going on?”</p>
<p>“My mom wants me home. Immediately.”</p>
<p>“Woah, hey- is something wrong?”</p>
<p>“I don’t-” A look, something like a deer trapped in headlights flashed across Roman’s face. “She’s just strict about me being home on family nights and I forgot it’s a family night.”</p>
<p>“Well, okay. My mom can give you a ride-”</p>
<p>“No!”</p>
<p>Virgil startled.</p>
<p>Roman blinked, as if surprised by her own outburst. “Sorry… I’m sorry. I just… I can walk. Trying to get all fit for my role in the play, ya know?”</p>
<p>“Oh… Okay.” Virgil smiled. “I’ll walk you outside at least, okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure.”</p>
<p>Virgil helped Roman gather the rest of her things, then they made their way out onto the front porch step. “Text me when you get home?”</p>
<p>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Virgil leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Roman’s cheek. Roman smiled, but something in her eyes looked a little pained.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Virgil said.</p>
<p>Roman’s eyes widened. “I… I love you too.”</p>
<p>“Be safe,” she said. Roman was staring at her with a look Virgil couldn’t decipher.</p>
<p>“I will,” Roman whispered. Then she turned away and began walking down the street.</p>
<p>Virgil watched at her until she couldn’t see her anymore.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“Do you think this says that X is 15 or 16? Ms. Ramie really does need to get a functional printer.”</p>
<p>“Mhm,” Virgil hummed.</p>
<p>“In addition, her handwriting is atrocious. I cannot decipher any of her comments on my essay.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Logan frowned. “I believe you are not paying attention to me.”</p>
<p>Virgil looked up and gave a sheepish smile. “Sorry, L. I’m… distracted.”</p>
<p>Logan smiled back, his usual awkward smile. “I am willing to listen to any conundrum you might have come across.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” The two were quiet for a good two minutes. Virgil took a deep breath. “How did you know you were gay?”</p>
<p>Logan looked startled and his cheeks reddened. “I uhm… I… why?”</p>
<p>“I’m just curious.”</p>
<p>Logan set down his pencil and sat up. Virgil followed suit, fiddling with her hair tie to feel like she was doing <em>something.</em></p>
<p>“Remy. Freshman year. I realised… The things I felt for him were things I had never felt before. Therefore, I did some… research.”</p>
<p>“Porn?”</p>
<p>Logan looked affronted. “No! Virgil, oh… my word.” He took a deep breath. “I analyzed my attractions and feelings towards boys versus girls. I came to the realization that my attractions toward the two were very different. I am solely romantically and sexually attracted to men. That is how I knew.”</p>
<p>Virgil nodded seriously.</p>
<p>“I suppose… kissing Remy helped to.”</p>
<p>Her eyes blew wide. “You… you kissed Remy?”</p>
<p>Logan nodded, blushing. “I did. Our relationship did not last, as I suppose, most high school romances don’t. But it certainly did help me to… understand myself.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Okay. That uhm… makes sense.”</p>
<p>Logan gazed at Virgil critically. “Is there a particular reason you are inquiring about this?”</p>
<p>“I… I think I might be a lesbian,” Virgil blurted. “I kissed Roman at that slumber party I went to. And I think I’ve fallen in love with her. And oh my God, Logan.” Virgil flung herself back against the pile of cushions behind her. “I’ve never felt anything like this for anyone.”</p>
<p>“You kissed <em>Romana Sanders</em>?”</p>
<p>“She prefers Roman. Or Ro… Or babe.”</p>
<p>“Virgil! This is… Romana is into girls?”</p>
<p>Virgil frowned and sat up and met Logan’s horrified face dead on. “What… what the fuck, Logan? Do you have a problem with girls who like girls or something?”</p>
<p>A flash of hurt crossed Logan’s face and he flinched back. “No! Of course not. I completely support you.” He grabbed Virgil’s hand and smiled, very softly at her. “You are my best friend in the whole world. I am merely… I am just curious- do you know who Romana’s parents are?”</p>
<p>“No. I’ve never met them before.” She frowned. “Why does that matter?”</p>
<p>“Romana’s parents are notoriously homophobic.”</p>
<p>“Well, I mean, isn’t everybody sometimes? Even mine are, but they’re well-meaning and they’re trying-”</p>
<p>“Virgil. You do not understand.” Virgil felt her heart stop; she had never seen Logan look so serious and troubled in her life. “Romana’s parents are <em>homophobic</em> homophobic. They go to marches. They’ve been on the news. They have signs in their yard. <em>God hates fags. Gays, repent or you’ll burn</em>, kind of signs. Bumper stickers too. They protested the GSA club and gave us hell for a solid three years until legal action was threatened.”</p>
<p>Virgil felt like she’d been punched. “Roman’s… parents are like that?” she breathed.</p>
<p>Logan nodded. He looked incredibly solemn. “I worry for her safety in a situation like that already. But if she is gay herself…” Logan took a deep breath. “Fuck.”</p>
<p>Virgil felt as if she had been disconnected from her body- floating. Her head was spinning. Suddenly, so much was making sense. Roman’s urgency when she told Virgil to not tell anybody. Her freak out when her mom texted while they were studying. The way Roman insisted on keeping things a secret, even though their relationship was developing.  </p>
<p>“Fuck,” she whispered. “Fuck, Logan.”</p>
<p>“Hey.” Logan rested a hand gently on Virgil’s back. “It’ll work out. Just talk to her about it and perhaps we can get a better grasp on the situation. Yeah?”</p>
<p>Virgil nodded and tried for a smile. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>Logan squeezed her shoulder and pulled away. “So. It appears I have been kept out the loop quite a bit.”</p>
<p>“Oh, Logan. Do you really want to hear all about my lesbian awakening?”</p>
<p>Logan rolled his eyes. “Of course, I want to hear about it. Tell me everything.”</p>
<p>And so she did.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>After the information Logan had given Virgil, she suddenly found herself more in tune to every little thing Roman did. The way she’d never invite Virgil to her house. How she’d look so grim when her mom or dad texted her. The way she’d flinch, almost minutely at anything pride related. How she continued to insist that they didn’t need to be public about their relationship in the slightest.</p>
<p>And Virgil knew it was selfish- but she just wanted to be able to hold Roman’s hand at school without Roman jerking away like she’d been burned.</p>
<p>A month before graduation, Virgil figured it was high time to talk to Roman and confront her instead of merely dwelling on everything. She invited her to a casual restaurant, assuring Roman that friends did this kind of thing all the time and nobody would have to suspect anything.</p>
<p>Still, sitting across the booth from Virgil, Roman looked terrified. And Virgil barely knew what to do.</p>
<p>“We need to talk,” Virgil said. She tried her best to keep her expression open and unintimidating. She knew how much the “we need to talk,” line could throw her into a downward spiral in less than a second. She didn’t want Roman to be frightened of her.</p>
<p>“Yeah. About what?” Roman asked, tossing a fry into her mouth with such forced casualness it could be seen a mile away. Or maybe only Virgil noticed because she could read Roman like a book.</p>
<p>“About… our relationship.”</p>
<p>Roman froze. She slowly grabbed another fry and smiled, but it looked so icy and unlike her that Virgil’s heart started beating even faster somehow. “Oh yeah?”</p>
<p>“We’re dating, right?”</p>
<p>Roman nodded. “Is this… I feel like you’re leading this into something else, Virg.”</p>
<p>“Why should we have to keep it secret?” Virgil asked softly.</p>
<p>Roman looked trapped. Her brown eyes flitted over the table, then to Virgil, then to the door. She swallowed and lowered her hands into her lap.</p>
<p>“It’s sexy, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Don’t bullshit me.”</p>
<p>Roman flinched. The glitter eyeshadow around her eyes was blinding. “Virgil-”</p>
<p>“How long do we have to keep it secret? A month? Until we graduate? Years? Forever?”</p>
<p>Roman looked as if she’d been slapped. “I can see you’re upset-”</p>
<p> Virgil took a deep breath. “I know about your parents. And at first, I was mad and confused that we had to sneak around. But it was fucked up for me to expect you to be out and proud just because I can be,” Virgil said. “I took for granted that not everybody has the same support that I do.”</p>
<p>Roman smiled shakily. “Look, V, it’s fine, okay? I don’t-”</p>
<p>“It’s not fine. Why didn’t you feel like you could tell me about your parents?”</p>
<p>Roman’s lip wobbled. “It’s complicated.”</p>
<p>“I can deal with complicated.”</p>
<p>Tears spilled over from Roman’s eyes. “You deserve better. You deserve to not have to be kept a secret.” Roman wiped her eyes and gave Virgil a wry smile. “I love you. I wasn’t lying. I want to be with you and get to love you and be free, but it’s just… not possible. My parents will never accept me and if they found out, it would ruin me. It’s not fair. You don’t deserve this. I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>Virgil crossed over into booth beside Roman and closed the space between them, wrapping her arms tightly around her. “Hey. Shh. Ro. It’s okay. Come on.” Virgil ran circles over Roman’s back until her breathing steadied out.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Virgil.”</p>
<p>“Let’s address something right here, okay?” Virgil said softly. “It<em> isn’t</em> fair. None of this is fair. It’s not fair that you have to be traumatized because of your parents lack of acceptance-”</p>
<p>“It’s not… it’s not<em> trauma</em>.”</p>
<p>“Okay. Okay. We won’t call it trauma. But it’s not right for a parent to put their kid in a position where they have to keep a part of themself secret.”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing I can do about it,” Roman said.</p>
<p>“Maybe…” Virgil pursed her lips. “Do you remember Logan Foster?”</p>
<p>Roman snorted. “Of course.”</p>
<p>“He’s the smartest dude I know. If anyone can help us, it’s him. Would you be willing to talk to him? About this stuff? He’s the founder of the school’s GSA and he deals with this kind of stuff a lot. Kids whose parents don’t accept them. That kind of stuff.”</p>
<p>Roman sniffled. “He’s uhm… We don’t get along particularly well. We’re sort of rivals in poetry class. And my parents have treated him like shit in the past-”</p>
<p>“That’s poetry class, Ro,” Virgil reminded her gently. “This is real life, outside of stupid high school. And in real life, Logan is my best friend and he cares about you because I care about you. Logan wouldn’t judge you for anything your parents have done, Ro. Because you’re not your parents.”</p>
<p>“I… what if nothing can be fixed?”</p>
<p>“Then it doesn’t hurt to at least talk about everything, hm?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“I would like to emphasize that this is a safe place, Romana,” Logan said. The three were sitting in a small circle on Logan’s living room floor. Logan had made everyone coffee (which was his way of fretting over people, as much as he’d argue with Virgil that it wasn’t), and he’d pulled out his little notebook that he carried in his bag near-constantly. “Everything you say to me will be met with no judgement and I will help you as much as possible.”</p>
<p>“Anybody ever tell you that you’re a little intense, specs?” Roman said teasingly, even though her entire body looked as if it were vibrating from how much she was shaking.</p>
<p>“So I have been told,” Logan replied dryly. He clicked the end of his pen and began writing the date on his notepad. Roman was still shaking and Virgil, very carefully reached over and grasped her hand. Roman shot her a grateful smile and relaxed a small fraction.</p>
<p>“Logan can be intense, but he means well,” Virgil said softly. “If anyone can help, it’s him. I promise.”</p>
<p>Logan nodded. “Romana… what is your end goal?”</p>
<p>“My… end goal?”</p>
<p>The corner of Logan’s mouth ticked up a small fraction. “Regarding all of this. Your parents, your sexuality… What do <em>you</em> want?”</p>
<p>Roman took a shaky breath. “I just… I want to feel and be safe. To love who I love without being scared.”</p>
<p>Logan scratched something down on his notepad then back up and gave her a genuine smile. “That’s good. We’ll start with that. Next question- how close are you to turning eighteen?”</p>
<p>“Next month. A week after graduation.”</p>
<p>“How safe do you feel residing with your parents for one more month?”</p>
<p>Roman frowned. “I… I don’t have the money to move out after a month. They don’t let me get a job and they want me to go to an expensive private university in another state.”</p>
<p>“You did not answer my question,” Logan chided softly. “Pretend, hypothetically, that money was not an issue and you could move out the moment you turned 18. Would you feel safe residing with your parents until your birthday?”</p>
<p>“It’s not like they beat me, Logan,” Roman scoffed. She scuffed her shoes and looked down, completely missing the troubled look Logan shot Virgil.</p>
<p>Logan cleared his throat and clicked his pen- once. Twice. Then: “Romana. You mentioned that you wanted to feel safe. This means that you, generally, feel unsafe. Correct?”</p>
<p>“You’re so intense,” Roman whispered.</p>
<p>“Ro. C’mon. Answer his question,” Virgil said.</p>
<p>Roman shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Yeah. I feel unsafe a lot. But a lot of kids have it worse. Homelessness. People die. I’m not dead.”</p>
<p>Logan frowned. “Your parents would call the police if you ran away.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but I never mentioned running away-”</p>
<p>Logan set down his notebook and pressed his fingers together, leaning forward. “My ex-boyfriend Remy is a trust fund baby with so much money that he doesn’t know what to do with half of it. He and I are still good friends. He’s in his freshman year of college and owns an apartment building downtown, near his college campus. He would be willing to rent out a three-bedroom apartment to us for free and suffer no consequence. I am moving down there with Virgil this fall. There is a surplus of job opportunity down there. You could go to college, if you so desired, or take a moment to breathe and figure out what you want to do. You could move out on your eighteenth birthday and stay with me until the fall. My parents would not object to it. Whether or not you choose to disclose your sexuality to your parents is up to you. The priority is getting you out of your current situation.”</p>
<p>Roman blinked. “That’s… that’s shit from a fantasy, Logan, you can’t- You can’t dangle that out there like that.”</p>
<p>“I am not joking. I understand you and I are not close, but Virgil is here so often that she practically lives here-”</p>
<p>“<em>Hey</em>-”</p>
<p>“Therefore, it would mostly be like living with her anyway.”</p>
<p>“You can’t… you can’t give me hope like this, Logan,” Roman said, her voice a small squeak as more tears ran down her face.</p>
<p>“You deserve a little hope,” Virgil said, squeezing her hands. “C’mon, sweetheart.”</p>
<p>“It’s not that… it can’t be that easy.”</p>
<p>“I assure you that it is,” Logan said. “You just have to survive a month.”</p>
<p>Roman wiped her face. “A month,” she whispered. “I can… I can do a month.”</p>
<p>Virgil grinned. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>Roman nodded. “Yeah. I just… One question, specs.”</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“…Could Patton come with us?”</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>When Logan came to the house and pulled into Roman’s parents’ driveway, the conversation died immediately, and the car was silent. The various political signs and “MAN + MAN IS NOT IN GOD’S PLAN” made Virgil’s stomach feel heavy, like it was full of iron. She couldn’t imagine coming home from school each day to be reminded her existence was despised by her own parents. Virgil fiddled with the hair tie on her wrist until she pulled it off and began tying up her hair. Still, nobody said a word. Nobody moved to get out of the car first either.</p>
<p>Finally, Patton broke the silence. “It’s all in boxes, right?”</p>
<p>“Mhm,” Roman said. She smoothed another nonexistent wrinkle out of her white shorts and ran a jittery hand over the sunglasses atop her head. She looked radiant, minus the look of complete resigned terror on her face.</p>
<p>“And only your mother is home, correct?” Logan asked.</p>
<p>“Yep.”</p>
<p>“Hey.” Virgil reached back and grabbed Roman’s hand. “Everything’s gonna be fine.”</p>
<p>“Everything is gonna be fine,” Roman repeated.</p>
<p>With that, the four opened the car doors and stepped outside. The breeze blew softly over the four of them and Roman walked over and took Virgil’s hand.</p>
<p>“Ready?” Patton asked.</p>
<p>Without waiting for confirmation, she began walking up to the porch and the three of them followed her. Patton knocked three times on the door, then took a step back. Barely a second later, the door swung open.</p>
<p>Mrs. Sanders looked nothing like Virgil pictured her. To be fair, Virgil’s internal depiction of her wasn’t quite human either. In her mind, Mrs. Sanders had long claws and horns and a serpent tongue.</p>
<p>Instead, Mrs. Sanders worse a light blue and white dress. Her hair was curly and brown, like Roman’s, and her light brown skin also matched Roman’s perfectly. In fact- the two looked so alike, it was almost scary.</p>
<p>“You here to get your stuff, Romana?” she asked.</p>
<p>Roman nodded.</p>
<p>“Make it quick. I don’t want you here any longer than you need to be.”</p>
<p>Patton looked livid as she marched into the house and up into Roman’s room. Roman just looked defeated.</p>
<p>The four made quick work and gathering box after box and dropping them into Logan’s trunk. Mrs. Sanders watched the whole time, sending nasty glances at all of them, until she finally stopped Virgil by putting a hand in front of her, blocking her from going back into the house.</p>
<p>“You ruined my daughter,” Mrs. Sanders snarled. “You’re hurting her. She doesn’t know what is best for her and you… queers are here filling her head with nonsense.”</p>
<p>Logan, from beside Virgil, adjusted his glasses and smiled tensely. “Ms. Sanders, with all due respect, Romana is not and never had been ruined. And the only nonsense put in her head is from <em>you</em>. Not us.”</p>
<p>Roman came walking out of the house with a box in her arms.</p>
<p>“That the last one?” Logan asked.</p>
<p>Roman nodded.</p>
<p>Virgil grabbed it from her to take to the trunk, but she stopped at Mrs. Sanders voice screaming at Roman.</p>
<p>“You piece of shit, you don’t get to do this!” Virgil turned around just as Mrs. Sanders grabbed Roman’s arm.</p>
<p>Both Patton and Logan had various levels of rage written on their faces. Roman’s eyebrows pinched together, then a snarl swept across her face.</p>
<p>“Actually, mom, I do.” Roman snatched her arm away. “I’m so sorry that who I love is such a big deal to you. You’re gonna miss out on a lot. But that’s your loss. Not mine.” With that, Roman spun around and marched to the car. Virgil followed suit, slamming the last box in the trunk.</p>
<p>Virgil sat down in the passenger seat, slamming the door behind her just as Logan sat in the driver’s seat and Patton crawled into the back. The engine roared to life, loud enough to quiet the slurs Mrs. Sanders was shouting as Logan pulled out from the driveway and onto the road. Virgil watched the “Man + Woman = REAL Marriage,” from the window until it disappeared, and she couldn’t see it anymore.</p>
<p>“I really did that,” Roman whispered from the back.</p>
<p>“Yes, you did and you’re so brave, kiddo,” Patton said, squeezing her friend tightly into a hug.</p>
<p>“I get to live with <em>you guys</em>,” Roman said breathlessly. She sounded quite a bit like she was going to cry. “This is… this is like a dream.”</p>
<p>“It’s not,” Virgil said and couldn’t help the grin spreading across her face. “It’s real.”</p>
<p>Roman laughed as tears spilled down her cheeks. “Oh my God. Oh my <em>God</em>.” Her laughter dissolved into sobs as she buried her face into Patton’s neck. Making a split-second decision, Virgil unbuckled her seatbelt.</p>
<p>Logan’s eyes widened in alarm. “Virgil! What are you doing?”</p>
<p>Virgil pulled herself up and stumbled into the backseat with Patton and Roman, settling down in the seat by the righthand window.</p>
<p>“Put your seatbelt on right now, Virgil!”</p>
<p>“I’ll be fine, L, calm down-”</p>
<p>“Put your seatbelt on right now or I will pull over. Do not test me.”</p>
<p>Virgil sighed, but pulled her seatbelt on, then leaned over and cupped Roman’s face, blotchy and messy with tears.</p>
<p>“We get our happy ending, Ro. This is our happy ending,” she said with a smile. “You told me happy endings were real. This is it.”</p>
<p>Roman shook her head and grinned. “This is a happy beginning, Virg.”</p>
<p>Virgil giggled. “That’s cheesier than anything Patton’s ever said.”</p>
<p>“Hey!”</p>
<p>“You know I love you,” Virgil said with a grin.</p>
<p>Patton grinned back and wrapped her arm around Roman so that she and Virgil were practically enveloping Roman between the two of them.</p>
<p>“In all seriousness… thank you guys so much,” Roman said. “Especially you, Logan. You didn’t have to do any of this. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Logan met Roman’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “It was no problem, Romana.”</p>
<p>“Awww, Logan’s a big ol’ softy, isn’t he?” Patton said.</p>
<p>Logan looked flabbergasted. “No, I am not-”</p>
<p>“Do you wuv us, Logan?” Roman asked.</p>
<p>“’Wuv’ is not a real word-”</p>
<p>“L’s the best dad in the world, isn’t he, girls?” Virgil asked, grinning wickedly.</p>
<p>“Absolutely,” the two sang.</p>
<p>“I am not a father to any of you-”</p>
<p>“I love my daddy. My superhero-”</p>
<p>“Virgil, I beg of you-”</p>
<p>Virgil, Patton, and Roman couldn’t stop their laughter long enough to hear any of what Logan was saying. It was okay though.</p>
<p>Logan was smiling too.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fin.</em>
</p>
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